Disclaimer: Since noone reads this and I hardly ever post I guess it doesn't matter what I put here. However, if you are religious or non-religious, spiritual or non-spiritual, or are just easily offended and high strung about things pertaining to the said issues, please read no further.
So i have been through alot since October. Things that I will never mention have happened. Ultimately I have come to this conclusion; there are some of us here on this earth that seem to have been forgotten about. It seems to me that we never get anywhere in life no matter how hard we try, no matter how hard we pray. It is as if our prayers are clutter on god's floor that is swept under his rug because we are his forgotten children. He doesnt care whether we are safe. He doesnt care if we are hurting. He doesnt care if we have enough to eat or if we have a place to stay warm. he has forgotten about us. We have been cut loose because of our struggles. Oh you didn't go on an LDS mission? That's too bad. Oh you have a hard time with the word of wisdom? Sorry you aren't cut out for service to me. Oh and you have a mental illness? Well that just won't do. See what I am getting at? If we aren't Johnny fucking Returned Missionary we are considered inferior. Well I am tired of being one of God's forgotten. Starting today he will start to remember because I am going to do everything I can to convince people. My own little war against God. We will see if he really notices me or not. You know it's hard to believe he pays attention when he has children and worlds "numbered more than the sands of the sea".
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Today would be fast Sunday once again. I have been thinking today about life and the strange places that it can take a person. It seems that we can have our lives all planned out how we think that they should be and be going down the path that we desire, and suddenly in an instant we can find ourselves on a path that is unfamiliar and we become fearful. However, when we look into the distance and see the path which we once trod we can see the big picture of it. And that it leads to nowhere. So we start down our new path full of fear and anxiety with flames behind us all the way. As we journey on we start to realize that these flames are lighting our way as we travel and that out of the aftermath and ashes of a life once lived something better and more beautiful can grow. This is when we really find ourselves. The fear will disappear and we will live our lives from now on with reckless abandon knowing that we are being watched over by a higher power that is bigger than ourselves. And all along the path that we have walked we are leaving a trail of beauty and good despite the violence of the flames. Sometimes the most violent and painful of circumstances can make us something more than we could have ever become by ourselves. We become born again and a new being on every level of existence. and our spirits are made free from the worry and fear that once governed our lives. We can live and see with new eyes and capture the beauty and meaning in everything that we have been through. I am so grateful for my life experience. It has made me who I am. And who I am is something more than I ever could have imagined. I hope and pray to God that each of us will come to realize our true selves and the true importance which we hold in the grand scheme of things that at times can feel like total chaos. For out of chaos is beauty born and people made. Amen.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
So today is fast Sunday. I am currently unable to bear my testimony in church so I thought this would be a good place to do it. Today I was sitting in Sunday school and the phrase "Anchor of hope" came into my mind. Followed by the following: We live in a world of so much sadness and despair. There is so much hate, war, depression, disease of every kind physical, mental, and emotional. Our world's financial system is coming apart at the seems. There are many with no way to provide for their families anymore. There are many who have lost everything they hold dear. Marriages and families are being destroyed in mass waves. Indeed there is plenty in this world to feel hopeless about. Life seems to transforming into a massive tsunami of horrible situations. And among all of the chaotic waves and wind and trembling of the earth, there is but one place which is calm. An Anchor Of Hope. Christ is the Anchor Of Hope for all existence. He knows what it is like, for He was a Man of Sorrows in His own life. He also knows what is best for each of us and that as long as we are not dead we are making progress. Even when we stumble and fall backwards it is progress. We get to repeat our process over again with knowledge we didn't have before. Tell me that this is not progress. I dare you. He will hold us fast in our lives and give us the hope we need to continue our cause. I don't know why I chose to write this today. Maybe because I, more than anyone, need this message, and now it is recorded tangibly for me to read next time I fall. I want to close this entry with some advice from the master. "Be still, and know that I am God" (D&C 101:16). Happy Fast Sunday